I find it bothersome that there’s still an internet dating stigma in the social media obsessed world we live in. Granted, there has been a definite evolution of its image over time; fifteen years ago the mascot for an internet dater was an obese man with Pringles crumbs strewn about his laptop, typing with one hand and petting a dead cat with the other. It’s certainly overcome that extreme representation, to be sure, but it’s still poked fun at quite a bit both in the media and socially among friends. But why? Can you really differentiate anyone as being “peculiar” or “desperate” for participating in online dating when you consider the amount of electronic correspondence we all participate in, not to mention personal digital details most of us give away freely?
Consider the average facebook profile. It alone reveals more information than one could glean from 10 first dates. Throw Google into the mix, one can now look up your 400m hurdle time from your JV track meet before you even get coffee together. Public awareness of online dating has also increased a hundred-fold. Primetime commercials for Match.com and eHarmony have become as commonplace as advertisements for Tide. Slave to your strict religious beliefs? With ChristianMingle, Jdate and countless others there’s a site for you too! Sure, some people on these sites are creeper weirdoes, but there were creeper weirdoes at the bar or your work or your gym or wherever people met people before we became addicted to our silly electronic screens.
Even among people already participating in online dating the stigma still provokes shame. For example, the “What’s the most private thing I’m willing to admit” question on OKCupid is used constantly by site members to help take away some of the embarrassment they feel for using an online dating profile while at the same time actively using the site. OKCupid, for those of you who aren’t single white or well-off 18-32 year olds living in or close to urban areas, is an extremely popular free dating website. Your dating profile is composed of 10 rather ordinary questions, one of which is the one mentioned above. About 30-40 percent of the profiles I read answer the question like this: “The most private thing I’ll admit? That I’m on a dating website! OMG, like, I CAN’T even believe it, I CAN’T CAN’T CAN’T.” (there’s a bit of hyperbole at the end, but, you get it).
Let’s break down the two things this kind of response suggests.
1) You think you’re too good to be on this site. To this I say, I mean, things can’t be going that great for you dating-wise if you’ve already created an online dating profile, right? You probably aren’t photographed in People magazine holding hands with Ryan Reynolds. You probably don’t have any missed calls from professional athletes. Sure, you could be among the more physically attractive people on the site but you probably have a lot more competition than you think, and, bee tee dubs, you might want to consider that picture your friend tagged you in where you’re taking a shot without the use of your hands more “private” than a simple innocuous dating profile.
2) You think people who use the internet to date are weird. Thanks! Let the judging begin! Here’s something though, no one is walking around at that hip bar on the corner wearing a sandwich board of your OKC profile , it can only be viewed by people who ALSO are on a dating website. Do you think this was all our first choice? Do you think we all said “Well, I could just get that waitress’s phone number and take her out tomorrow if I’m feeling especially lonely.” No. This is the product of necessity, the result of insecurity and past failures and social anxiety. Don’t pretend you aren’t one of us, I don’t care how many carefully cropped pictures of you skydiving or frolicking in a waterfall you have.
Let’s own up to it and get over it. This is the how we relate in this day in age. We facebook. We text. We put hastags in front of words as if we are oblivious to the complete nonsense it will look like to future generations. And sometimes we meet dates off the internet. Is meeting someone without any benefit from the information superhighway a rare occurrence? No, I’m sure it still happens to abnormally confident and/or good-looking people all the time. But for most of us? This is the real world now. We all need to either stop acting embarrassed and become ok with it or wait for one of those EMP pulses to completely knock out the electric grid, ending online dating once and for all.
Let’s break down the two things this kind of response suggests.
1) You think you’re too good to be on this site. To this I say, I mean, things can’t be going that great for you dating-wise if you’ve already created an online dating profile, right? You probably aren’t photographed in People magazine holding hands with Ryan Reynolds. You probably don’t have any missed calls from professional athletes. Sure, you could be among the more physically attractive people on the site but you probably have a lot more competition than you think, and, bee tee dubs, you might want to consider that picture your friend tagged you in where you’re taking a shot without the use of your hands more “private” than a simple innocuous dating profile.
2) You think people who use the internet to date are weird. Thanks! Let the judging begin! Here’s something though, no one is walking around at that hip bar on the corner wearing a sandwich board of your OKC profile , it can only be viewed by people who ALSO are on a dating website. Do you think this was all our first choice? Do you think we all said “Well, I could just get that waitress’s phone number and take her out tomorrow if I’m feeling especially lonely.” No. This is the product of necessity, the result of insecurity and past failures and social anxiety. Don’t pretend you aren’t one of us, I don’t care how many carefully cropped pictures of you skydiving or frolicking in a waterfall you have.
Let’s own up to it and get over it. This is the how we relate in this day in age. We facebook. We text. We put hastags in front of words as if we are oblivious to the complete nonsense it will look like to future generations. And sometimes we meet dates off the internet. Is meeting someone without any benefit from the information superhighway a rare occurrence? No, I’m sure it still happens to abnormally confident and/or good-looking people all the time. But for most of us? This is the real world now. We all need to either stop acting embarrassed and become ok with it or wait for one of those EMP pulses to completely knock out the electric grid, ending online dating once and for all.
If that happens, meet me behind the fallen skyscraper on Market street, the one recently abandoned by apocalypse zombies.
I’ll be the guy in the blue shirt."
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